You know what the MMDA remind me of? They’re like sly little foxes hiding behind trees waiting for innocent little bunnies to hop along so they can pounce on them and rip them off, I mean apart (but rip off seems like a relevant word in the traffic business). La di da…bunny hop hop hop…a glorious day in the park with the sun shining and the birds singing then eep without warning, the sly red fox in a blue suit jumps out from behind the trees and pulls you over for an infraction or a violation you could swear on the life of your unborn child, you didn’t commit.
Some of them are decent. They will hear you out and decide whether they should let you off with just a warning (or with a settlement) or with a ticket. Some of them are just absolutely mean and righteous. I have been caught 4 times in a row by the manipulative man-eating driving authorities. They’re all interesting stories, which I just want to share with everyone. You be the judge on which one’s the most amusing…and hopefully you learn a lesson or two on what and what not to do.
Saved by A Starstruck Star
Violation: Wrong Lane. Guadalupe intersection – on my way to QC to meet up with friends for coffee. It was a Sunday and I was expecting light traffic and very few men in blue. The jeepneys were all annoyingly zigzagging their way through the road trying to pick up passengers from both sides. I was late, so instead of taking the left lane (since I was turning left), I took the rightmost lane and tried to switch to the left before I hit the intersection and before the light turned red. No such luck. The light turned red and I was caught awkwardly between both lanes and a little into the yellow square, exposed for all the MMDA guys to see. I tried to look innocent and sweet as one of them looked at me while shaking his head. Then he asked me to pull over by the side of the road got my license while reciting my infraction. I begged and apologized over and over again, trying to look like an innocent little girl the whole time. Doe eyes, pouting lips, the works! By some miracle, thanks maybe to Our Lady of Guadalupe, he gave me back my license and smiled at me and said “Sige na nga, akala ko pa naman makwekwento ko na nahuli ko si Yasmien Kurdi.” I just smiled at him and said, “Sabihin mo na lang manong di mo na hinuli kasi late na siya sa shooting.” Then we both laughed and I was on the road again.
Saved by A Card
Violation 2: Beating the Red Light. A little past midnight. Pasay road interestion. Turning left on Ayala Ave. No MMDA guys in sight. I turned left and completely ignored the stoplight. OK, my bad. Wrong move. I could have killed someone but the road was automobile free and people free for as far as my eyes can see (ooh that rhymes!). Then as I turned the corner, there he was standing beside a motorcycle, asking me to pull over. Good thing I was with a friend who had a police ID card thing and he said “Pare, sagot ko na siya. I asked her to turn left.” And the MMDA just nodded and signaled for me to go on. I would have taken the ticket without any pleading cause I knew I was wrong. But some stoplights don’t even function at night and what I did was something I would do when that’s the case. But of course, that wasn’t the case. I was just very lucky that cops respect people with police ID cards, though they’re not really in the force. I wonder how you can get one of them cards…
Saved by the Dough
Violation 3: Reckless Driving. A little past 4 in the afternoon. EDSA, northbound. On our way to Greenhills to spend our hard-earned moolah on clothes and other stuff that we truly deserved after working so hard. We were laughing and singing and talking about the fun-filled afternoon at the mall. Like innocent little bunnies playing in the park. Instead of going into the tunnel to Cubao, my friend and I decided to take the bus route road to Megamall (dunno what you call that part, basta the one that went straight instead of down the tunnel). I switched lanes about 100 meters before the tunnel and told my friend that the area was a swerving hotspot but we saw there was no MMDA in sight. Then poof. From behind one pillar, there he was. The sly fox! I was so pissed off by this guy. He was such a jerk! He pulled me over and told me that I swerved. Reckless driving! I said I believe I didn’t swerve cause I was AWARE of THAT violation on THAT part of EDSA and I was very careful NOT to do it. But he didn’t listen to me and asked for my license. He asked me where I worked and where I lived and where I was heading and told me that fine was P500 for reckless driving + 3 days seminar. I told him I did not swerve, over and over again but of course he was the Lord of the Road and told me stubbornly that I did. So change tactics – back to begging “Please, please manong, just let me off with a warning, please…alam ko di naman ako nagswerve e” But the mule wouldn’t budge. “Di na pwedeng warning warning lang, magagalit sa ‘min si chairman e.” I almost looked up at the sky to check if the MMDA Chairman was omnipresent and watching us from above. Ugh. Then he told me that the seminar would be such a hassle and he was sure I was too busy to attend and the fine was P500 and sayang the money and the time yada yada yada. And I knew he was willing to settle. He probably needed money for his date on Valentine’s Day! I didn’t want to settle, it was against my principles. It was either he lets me off with or without a ticket but definitely without my money. So I continued to beg…but was interrupted by a nudge from my friend. She was giving me “lagyan mo na” looks since we were in a hurry. So I paid the friggin’ guy. P250 down the drain. My hard-earned money, into the pockets of a heartless man whose eyes were probably flashing big bold Peso signs behind his lame “Ray-ban” imitation sunglasses. I so wanted to stomp and scream and curse like hell in the middle of EDSA “I DID NOT SWERVE! Mukha kang pera! Taxes naming ang nagpapasweldo sa inyo! Isn’t that enough? Go shove your money and your corrupt sunburned face up your wrinkly little @ss, you sh#&head!” I was so pissed. I don’t like bribing. And my charm didn’t work. I felt like such an ugly bad driver slash bad citizen L Five sad faces for this incident LLLLL Wherever he is now, I hope he had a very happy Valentine’s Day (bah humbug).
Saved by Valentine’s Day
Violation 4: Reckless Driving (with obstruction of pedestrian lane) + Wrong Lane
The gravest violationS of my life. This happened about 4 hours after the EDSA swerving incident. I WAS CAUGHT TWICE IN ONE DAY! Sniff L There we were tired but happy from all the shopping. On our way to Megamall from Greenhills to buy something for Valentine’s Day. Intersection again. Still swarming with MMDA guys. I was suppose to go straight instead of left but a selfish cab driver wouldn’t let me pass so I ended up on the leftmost side of the road in the middle of a pedestrian lane as the light turned red. Again, exposed for all the MMDA guys to see. I wanted to shrink down to Thumbelina size so they wouldn’t notice me. I was silently praying that by some miracle they'd ignore me and crossing my fingers for the light to turn red so I can zoom zoom away. 2 minutes passed then 3…I thought I was safe. Until the bus to my left started honking like a madman because I was in his way. That made them look. Again, I was pulled over. I was asked for my license as I pleaded and argued that the taxi cab almost hit me so I ended up in the middle of the pedestrian lane. He told me I was guilty of lane violation and reckless driving since I blocked a pedestrian lane. P 1,500 fine + he’ll get my license. I argued that I had no time to pay the ticket and retrieve my license and do the seminar thing but he ignored me. I started to cry. Yup! I slumped down on my steering wheel and started to cry. I was so tired and frustrated and sick of all the cops criticizing me and my driving skills. I sobbed and pleaded and sobbed alternately. Another MMDA guy showed up and he told the heartless man talking to me “Naku, umiiyak na si ma’am” and the heartless guy was moved by my tears…well, a little. He told me he was gonna downplay my violation by charging me with wrong lane so I would have to pay only P500 or something. He even offered to get my money and issue me a receipt so I wouldn’t have to go pay for it. I was about to say ok and reach for my wallet. I mean, it sounded legal right? I’d still get a receipt. Then I asked if I could be charged with a violation with less than P500 fine. One last nego. (I’m quite good at haggling actually – something I learned from Nestle’s Customer Management Best Practices J He paused to think about it. I looked up at him with a “kawawa naman ako” look on my face and said “Sige na po please, malapit na naman mag-Valentine’s Day e…” Cheap shot I know, with my eyes glistening with tears and a pathetic look on my face. I was surprised when he said “Sige na nga, di na lang” and he started motioning for me to move along. My jaw dropped. Unbelievable. I couldn't believe it. I just stared at him, dumbfounded. My friend muttered under her breath "go! bilis!" and that's when I stepped on the gas (I think I managed to scream “Happy Valentine’s Day Manong! Salamat!”...not sure) and drove away as fast as I legally can. Hah! I guess some of them are still human. Valentine’s Day saved my day. It was so tiring negotiating with him but I’m glad I didn’t give up or give in. This time I felt good about myself and about other people. Love really moves in mysterious ways…but most of the time, it’s all about the money. With these guys and with everyone else.
Now I’m really scared of these MMDA guys and of other guys who resemble them. Just today at an intersection in Lipa City, a guy in blue started walking towards my car. My heart started to race and I was thinking of what I could have possibly done wrong and how I could get out of it. When he was in front of my car, I saw that he was just an ordinary guy in blue. I never want to see people wearing blue again!!! Traffic can be so dramatic and traumatic.
Some of them are decent. They will hear you out and decide whether they should let you off with just a warning (or with a settlement) or with a ticket. Some of them are just absolutely mean and righteous. I have been caught 4 times in a row by the manipulative man-eating driving authorities. They’re all interesting stories, which I just want to share with everyone. You be the judge on which one’s the most amusing…and hopefully you learn a lesson or two on what and what not to do.
Saved by A Starstruck Star
Violation: Wrong Lane. Guadalupe intersection – on my way to QC to meet up with friends for coffee. It was a Sunday and I was expecting light traffic and very few men in blue. The jeepneys were all annoyingly zigzagging their way through the road trying to pick up passengers from both sides. I was late, so instead of taking the left lane (since I was turning left), I took the rightmost lane and tried to switch to the left before I hit the intersection and before the light turned red. No such luck. The light turned red and I was caught awkwardly between both lanes and a little into the yellow square, exposed for all the MMDA guys to see. I tried to look innocent and sweet as one of them looked at me while shaking his head. Then he asked me to pull over by the side of the road got my license while reciting my infraction. I begged and apologized over and over again, trying to look like an innocent little girl the whole time. Doe eyes, pouting lips, the works! By some miracle, thanks maybe to Our Lady of Guadalupe, he gave me back my license and smiled at me and said “Sige na nga, akala ko pa naman makwekwento ko na nahuli ko si Yasmien Kurdi.” I just smiled at him and said, “Sabihin mo na lang manong di mo na hinuli kasi late na siya sa shooting.” Then we both laughed and I was on the road again.
Saved by A Card
Violation 2: Beating the Red Light. A little past midnight. Pasay road interestion. Turning left on Ayala Ave. No MMDA guys in sight. I turned left and completely ignored the stoplight. OK, my bad. Wrong move. I could have killed someone but the road was automobile free and people free for as far as my eyes can see (ooh that rhymes!). Then as I turned the corner, there he was standing beside a motorcycle, asking me to pull over. Good thing I was with a friend who had a police ID card thing and he said “Pare, sagot ko na siya. I asked her to turn left.” And the MMDA just nodded and signaled for me to go on. I would have taken the ticket without any pleading cause I knew I was wrong. But some stoplights don’t even function at night and what I did was something I would do when that’s the case. But of course, that wasn’t the case. I was just very lucky that cops respect people with police ID cards, though they’re not really in the force. I wonder how you can get one of them cards…
Saved by the Dough
Violation 3: Reckless Driving. A little past 4 in the afternoon. EDSA, northbound. On our way to Greenhills to spend our hard-earned moolah on clothes and other stuff that we truly deserved after working so hard. We were laughing and singing and talking about the fun-filled afternoon at the mall. Like innocent little bunnies playing in the park. Instead of going into the tunnel to Cubao, my friend and I decided to take the bus route road to Megamall (dunno what you call that part, basta the one that went straight instead of down the tunnel). I switched lanes about 100 meters before the tunnel and told my friend that the area was a swerving hotspot but we saw there was no MMDA in sight. Then poof. From behind one pillar, there he was. The sly fox! I was so pissed off by this guy. He was such a jerk! He pulled me over and told me that I swerved. Reckless driving! I said I believe I didn’t swerve cause I was AWARE of THAT violation on THAT part of EDSA and I was very careful NOT to do it. But he didn’t listen to me and asked for my license. He asked me where I worked and where I lived and where I was heading and told me that fine was P500 for reckless driving + 3 days seminar. I told him I did not swerve, over and over again but of course he was the Lord of the Road and told me stubbornly that I did. So change tactics – back to begging “Please, please manong, just let me off with a warning, please…alam ko di naman ako nagswerve e” But the mule wouldn’t budge. “Di na pwedeng warning warning lang, magagalit sa ‘min si chairman e.” I almost looked up at the sky to check if the MMDA Chairman was omnipresent and watching us from above. Ugh. Then he told me that the seminar would be such a hassle and he was sure I was too busy to attend and the fine was P500 and sayang the money and the time yada yada yada. And I knew he was willing to settle. He probably needed money for his date on Valentine’s Day! I didn’t want to settle, it was against my principles. It was either he lets me off with or without a ticket but definitely without my money. So I continued to beg…but was interrupted by a nudge from my friend. She was giving me “lagyan mo na” looks since we were in a hurry. So I paid the friggin’ guy. P250 down the drain. My hard-earned money, into the pockets of a heartless man whose eyes were probably flashing big bold Peso signs behind his lame “Ray-ban” imitation sunglasses. I so wanted to stomp and scream and curse like hell in the middle of EDSA “I DID NOT SWERVE! Mukha kang pera! Taxes naming ang nagpapasweldo sa inyo! Isn’t that enough? Go shove your money and your corrupt sunburned face up your wrinkly little @ss, you sh#&head!” I was so pissed. I don’t like bribing. And my charm didn’t work. I felt like such an ugly bad driver slash bad citizen L Five sad faces for this incident LLLLL Wherever he is now, I hope he had a very happy Valentine’s Day (bah humbug).
Saved by Valentine’s Day
Violation 4: Reckless Driving (with obstruction of pedestrian lane) + Wrong Lane
The gravest violationS of my life. This happened about 4 hours after the EDSA swerving incident. I WAS CAUGHT TWICE IN ONE DAY! Sniff L There we were tired but happy from all the shopping. On our way to Megamall from Greenhills to buy something for Valentine’s Day. Intersection again. Still swarming with MMDA guys. I was suppose to go straight instead of left but a selfish cab driver wouldn’t let me pass so I ended up on the leftmost side of the road in the middle of a pedestrian lane as the light turned red. Again, exposed for all the MMDA guys to see. I wanted to shrink down to Thumbelina size so they wouldn’t notice me. I was silently praying that by some miracle they'd ignore me and crossing my fingers for the light to turn red so I can zoom zoom away. 2 minutes passed then 3…I thought I was safe. Until the bus to my left started honking like a madman because I was in his way. That made them look. Again, I was pulled over. I was asked for my license as I pleaded and argued that the taxi cab almost hit me so I ended up in the middle of the pedestrian lane. He told me I was guilty of lane violation and reckless driving since I blocked a pedestrian lane. P 1,500 fine + he’ll get my license. I argued that I had no time to pay the ticket and retrieve my license and do the seminar thing but he ignored me. I started to cry. Yup! I slumped down on my steering wheel and started to cry. I was so tired and frustrated and sick of all the cops criticizing me and my driving skills. I sobbed and pleaded and sobbed alternately. Another MMDA guy showed up and he told the heartless man talking to me “Naku, umiiyak na si ma’am” and the heartless guy was moved by my tears…well, a little. He told me he was gonna downplay my violation by charging me with wrong lane so I would have to pay only P500 or something. He even offered to get my money and issue me a receipt so I wouldn’t have to go pay for it. I was about to say ok and reach for my wallet. I mean, it sounded legal right? I’d still get a receipt. Then I asked if I could be charged with a violation with less than P500 fine. One last nego. (I’m quite good at haggling actually – something I learned from Nestle’s Customer Management Best Practices J He paused to think about it. I looked up at him with a “kawawa naman ako” look on my face and said “Sige na po please, malapit na naman mag-Valentine’s Day e…” Cheap shot I know, with my eyes glistening with tears and a pathetic look on my face. I was surprised when he said “Sige na nga, di na lang” and he started motioning for me to move along. My jaw dropped. Unbelievable. I couldn't believe it. I just stared at him, dumbfounded. My friend muttered under her breath "go! bilis!" and that's when I stepped on the gas (I think I managed to scream “Happy Valentine’s Day Manong! Salamat!”...not sure) and drove away as fast as I legally can. Hah! I guess some of them are still human. Valentine’s Day saved my day. It was so tiring negotiating with him but I’m glad I didn’t give up or give in. This time I felt good about myself and about other people. Love really moves in mysterious ways…but most of the time, it’s all about the money. With these guys and with everyone else.
Now I’m really scared of these MMDA guys and of other guys who resemble them. Just today at an intersection in Lipa City, a guy in blue started walking towards my car. My heart started to race and I was thinking of what I could have possibly done wrong and how I could get out of it. When he was in front of my car, I saw that he was just an ordinary guy in blue. I never want to see people wearing blue again!!! Traffic can be so dramatic and traumatic.
