of detours and crossroads

written approximately 15 days ago...

I tried hard not to press my nose against the bus window. Windows of public transportation must be swimming with bacteria. but i wanted to see the accident upclose. The uzi Pinoy in me was yearning to see something gory...just like the rest of the passengers. The LAPD guy came up to the bus and started talking to the bus driver, pointing towards a different direction. The scene was a mess. An SUV and a sedan collided in the suburban streets of Norwalk and both looked extremely, if not totally damaged. It was my first time to see an accident that upclose. LAPD, 911, Fire Department, the works.

"But this is the only way I know. It's the only route I drive." The bus lady's panicked voice startled me from my thoughts of William Shatner and the 1990's hit show Rescue 911. She was freaking out because we had to take a detour. And she had no clue where to go. Good thing a shabbier version of Chuck Norris stepped up and guided her through the unfamiliar way back to her route. The entire bus was in eternal gratitude. I almost heard them applause.

For a moment there I felt like I was the lady bus driver. Except that she was black and had a booming voice and er, giant bumpers. With her poor navigational skills and utter lack of street smarts, she could have been my black (with an enhanced chest) version. But it wasn't her lack of street savvies that hit me, it was her words. Words that echoed what I was feeling. Words that could have been my own.

I've been in the States for 3 months now. It hasn't been a joy ride but like the wheels on the bus it has gone round and round. There are happy days, there are joyful days. There are rough days filled with homesickness and tough days filled with doubt. The only road I have known is back in the Philippines. A road of career, nearly 7 years of hard corporate slavery with family and friends around me who cheered me up when the going got tough...and with a steady bank account that financed my needs and luxuries. That road stopped and I got detoured and now I don't know how to continue. It's the only route I know. Work and play. Now I've been a bum for 4 months and my bum is getting restless. I need a job. I need security. I need a hopeful future. I need the little luxuries in my life that keep me sane in this cruel cruel world. I need a hopeful future.

But the road I'm on now is unfamiliar and I don't know the way.

But today I had help. Not just from Chuck Norris back at the bus but from a little company who wants to give me a chance. And now it seems my life is starting to get some direction. It's not final yet and there are still a lot of steps to take, people to impress and papers to be processed. Hopefully I will get through the detours of unemployment and passiveness and get back on track.

Thinking about it now, I realize that when that happens, I will be faced with a crossroad and the painful need to decide whether to stay for good or to go back home. A no-turning-back kind of decision. A decision that could alter my life. Forever. Drama, drama, drama. While the decision will be lengthily discussed, I know he'll say that it's my call. I frown at the thought. Making decisions is not my forte. I'm a Libra. It's written in the stars. We just have trouble deciding, even if it's as simple as what color of shoes or what flavor of ice cream to buy. But I will cross (and hopefully not burn) that bridge when I get there. For now I know I'm not ready to go home yet. I'm not coming home to live my robotic life without Chev. He may be on the other side of the country right now but at least we're still in the same country. Whatever happens, I'm making sure we come home together.

I pull at the cord to signal the stop request and alight the bus. I'll have major decisions to make in the future but for now I'll go home, have a cup of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese and watch TV...watch fictional people make their own decisions until the time I have to make mine. I shiver at the thought. It's such an adult thing to do.

Ex Party Girl/ Workaholic Gets Domesticated

written ages ago.

Since I got to the States, my life has made a drastic change. My 25 year old self would be shocked to see what she's turned into in just a couple of years. I've done a complete 180. And it's a relaxing break from the whirlwind life I used to live. I call this the Domestication of Maya Navarro. It's the stuff housewives and old maids are made of. I'm enjoying it so far but I don't know when I'll grow restless from too much down time.

Mornings

Before: Wake up to the sound of my annoying alarm clock at about 8/ 8:30 am, drag myself out of bed to shower, get dressed for work with about 2-3 outfit changes before finally settling on my first choice, drink coffee or pour coffee into a tumbler and drive to the office. In stilettos.

Now: Wake up to the sound of baby Armaan cooing in his crib. Sing him a good morning song while I unwrap him from his swaddling blankie. Change his diaper and play with him on the bed. Sit him down on his walker and turn on his Shapes and Colors DVD while I make coffee and cook eggs for breakfast. Barefoot and in my jammies.

Lunch

Before: Grab quick lunch at the caf or a long lunch with bosses. Or skip lunch due to the number of things to do for work.

Now: Put Armaan down for a nap while I cook (yes ladies i cook now) or heat food. Then watch TV or play Guitar Hero on PS3 (I'm getting really good!!). If I dont feel like playing, I just watch TV and drool over Home TV Shopping stuff like the Pancake Puffs maker or the Chef cuisine equipment. Very Bree Van de Camp.

Afternoon

Before: Work work work

Now: Read a book while Armaan watches his series of cartoons: Postman Pat, Theodore Tugboat, Pecola, Sitting Ducks etc. Then Ate gets home and we chat and eat snacks and play with Armaan. Or we watch downloaded movies cinema style with the blinds closed and everything. Or we cook. Again, I have learned how to cook already. Or am still learning. cookbook-in-hand style. I have cooked spaghetti, carbonara, other pasta inventions and viands like adobo, caldereta, pochero, nilaga, tinola and have experimented with Indian and Chinese cooking like Chicken Tandoori, Tofu with sesame, Lemon butter fish and shrimps, and a few more other recipes from the Internet. As I type, I'm preparing for another batch of beef caldereta with a twist (To Al Jean, thanks for the recipe).

Chicken Tandoori

Pochero

Night

Before: Dinner with friends/ dinner with Chev and a movie. Drinks or coffee with friends. Get home at around 11 or midnight, latest at around 2am then sleep. It also used to be nights at Embassy, Cuisine, Ponti, Capones or Good Earth. With blaring music, cigarettes and alcohol.

Now: TV show marathon. Mondays it's Gossip Girl, Tuesdays it's American Idol and Hell's Kitchen, Wednesday it's A.I. again and then other shows like Supernatural, Smallville, House, and Sunday's Desperate Housewives. Then it's off to bed at 10pm. Ho-hum. There are days though when we go out for dinner or we drink and play poker here at home because of the DUI law thing. Sometimes we also play Taboo and my newest game board Scene It or other card games. With chips and soda and occasional wine or beer.

Weekends are spent like how I spend it in Manila. At the mall. Bright side: At least now I don't have to work during weekends.

And on some very special weeks, I fly off to Boston to be with Chevy. And we go around and eat at places we've never tried before or have been recommended by friends or by the Best of Boston or we just hang out at this apartment and watch TV (usually NBA, Comedy Central and Food Network). Someday we plan on taking culinary lessons so we can start our own diner or cafe in Manila haha.

Sounds like a total bore huh? Not really. For me, it's my rehab from days when I shouldn't have partied too hard or worked too hard or drove home from a bar buzzed or wasted with the risk of hurting myself or other people. I enjoy learning new skills and exploring new places. It's like household-parenthood training.

I'm floating now and can't work until after 60 days since I got here. Soon I'll get back on my feet and join the Big Bad World of Work again. Hopefully :) I'm both excited and dreadful at such thought. Until then I'm just enjoying looking after my baby nephew. I mean, who wouldn't right?

Maroon 5 Rocked Manila

Last night we watched the Maroon 5 concert at the Araneta Coliseum. It was simply mind-blowing!! I have to say it was the best concert I have ever watched in my entire life. I'm a big Maroon 5 fan so maybe I'm a bit biased but still, they performed like the Grammy award winners that they are. Sigh. I am still stunned by the show. It was just amazing. Highlights of the show:

I was seated at the patron seats, about 8 rows from the stage. My ticket was free!! Saved 10grand. From where I was sitting I could see Adam Levine's gorgeous face upclose - every expression, every detail..

They sang almost all my fave songs (except Must Get Out)

The band had a great repertoire, no low moments at all and the energy in the Araneta was just WOW!! Fantastic crowd. The band was just amazing. Massive talent.

Adam was hot and charismatic, and hot and very friendly and hot. Did I mention hot? Keyboardist Jesse Carmichael was just awesome. Everyone was just awesome.

They loved the crowd, saying (and I believe without feigning sincerity) "This is truly one of our best concerts ever!" They were in awe, prolly not expecting the Filipinos to love them as much as we do.

Adam did a superb job counting in tagalog

They performed their unique music with so much passion, you could see it on their faces... it was hard not to be impressed and not to get carried away.

Bad trip moments: (@#!*%)
(1) My camera got lobat and died on me a number of times, during very critical times.
(2) I was seated beside a total dork who glared at me whenever I screamed in appreciation. (3) Some guy blocked my view of Adam during a crucial nearly-out-of-battery photo op:

To Adam, Jesse, Mickey, Matt and James of Maroon 5, you rocked my world and I hope to catch more of you in your hometown Los Angeles. And to Jane, Adam's ex-girlriend who broke up with him and inspired him to write all those fantastic songs, thank you and what on eart were you thinking?

This trims down my list of bands to see before I die:

U2
Maroon 5
Coldplay
Dave Matthews Band
Incubus
Dashboard Confessional

P.S. I got this as a souvenir. It's a mounted poster of their album. I'm bringing it with me. It fits in my cargo box. hehehe.

special thanks to Dana for letting me buy this. sayang wala tayong pic :(

special thanks to Bun for the free tix!!

Drama Queen Driver Turns Action Star

It was a Sunday and we were going to Glorietta to buy stuff for me to bring to the US. More stuff!! I haven't finished shopping for my sister and cousins hehe. They just can't get enough polvorons and pancit cantons and other cheap Philippine thrills. It's ok since they are kinda cheap and I know I will miss them too when I go. So there we were cruising along EDSA nearing the turn to Ayala. This area is kinda confusing since it's right before the tunnel and you have to stay in this one lane between the lanes heading down the tunnel and the fricking yellow bus lane until you see the dotted lines which mark the area where its legal to turn. Now I've passed this area a million times but it's still confusing because a lot of private cars enter the yellow lane sometimes and the MAPSA or MMDA guys let them be. We don't know if it's already legal to do that or not. Like the pink fences, traffic law in Makati sometimes changes without notice. Or maybe we just think they do. EDSA is just a riot.

My mom and I were chatting up a storm and I was dodging buses and taxis and didn't notice that I was already in the yellow lane until the oh-so-familiar figure of an MMDA traffic enforcer started flagging down the car. So naturally, I slowed down. I was preparing to park the car by the curb together with my speech and excuses when my mom told me to make a run for it. And being the obedient daughter, I stepped on the gas and drove like crazy to Ayala Ave. In the rearview mirror, I watched the MMDA guy. I was so afraid that he would jump on his motorcycle and chase us. But you know what he did? He just scratched his head and turned away then flagged down another car that was in the yellow lane.

When we got to Ayala I was so nervous. I drove really fast until we were in the safe sanctuary of the covered parking. And I was shaking a little from the adrenaline haha. My mom nonchalantly said you could always tell the MMDA you didn't see him if he chased us down. I didn't argue with that. Although he was right smack in front of us. But yeah, I could always deny it.

I didn't feel guilty about it though. It was an honest mistake and those guys let those buses run amok outside the yellow lane. But us private cars, we are grilled to death when we're an inch past the yellow bus lane. It's just not fair. So there. I ran away from them again. But I would choose my old strategy over this one anytime. Pleading and bawling your eyes out is safer than driving like an action star. One thing's for sure I will miss my MMDA friends. But I'm pretty sure we will have more precious memories in the future.

Chronicles of Maya 4: Angsty Juvenile Poetry

While cleaning out my old stuff, I found this piece of paper with a poem written on it. I recognized it as my handwriting from way way back. I probably wrote it for Sir Sam's High School English class. I just realized that this poem could have been the beginning of my life as an angsty "Emily the Strange"-like teenager. And that with this poem, Sir Sam could have sent me to see the school psych-person. It's so much fun finding old stuff. They're like relics from your past, in this case, one decade (or more) ago. My own piece of history. Don't laugh at my juve-y words. I think I was inspired by the song "My Favorite Things" and I read too much Sweet Dreams and Anne Rice books. But yeah go ahead. It's amusing. This makes me look like a disturbed kid when in fact I wasn't. I was just...what's the word? Morbid. It has no title. So I just made one up.

tough love

loving you is like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold rainy night
a gentle sweet kiss after a weary fight
it's like a big present wrapped up in dainty strings
a bunch of freshly picked flowers on a warm day in spring

it's like fluffy pink nightgowns with matching pink slippers
a furry little kitten with long silver whiskers
white lace with pearls on a blushing bride's gown
a party with balloons, cake and a red-nosed clown (ugh!)

loving you is like stars shining brightly in the evening sky
waiting on the porch steps for the ice cream man to pass by
ice cold lemonade on a sweaty hot day
innocent little toddlers, in the sandbox, at play

it's like watching a murder with your eyes unclosed
taking cocaine until you're overdosed
puking your brains out after twelve vodka tonics
burning the school down while the principal panics

helping an old lady cross a busy street
then snatching her bag and tripping her feet
it's like treating some orphans to a good Christmas feast
then telling them "Hey kids, Santa doesn't exist"

loving you is easy, loving you is hard
getting kissed and hugged, bruised up and scarred
medicine for pain, pain that won't go away
cancer that spreads in you with each passing day

loving you is sweet
loving you is tough
loving you is everything
yet it ain't enough.

Chronicles of Maya 3: Loving London

I found these pics from our trip to London last April 2004. Fell in love with this city. It still tops my list. So many good memories here with my sisters. Everything was just brill. Hopefully, we can go there again someday. Love the people, the culture, the arts, the sights and sounds, everything modern and historic can be found there. And no language barrier + that lovely accent. The weather's just a lil gloomy (blimey!). A small country that produced so many great people from Shakespeare to Gaiman, Winston Churchill to Diana, The Beatles to Sting. There were so many things to see. It was just, in their words, bloody marvelous!

famous red telephone booths. oxford circus.

windsor station/ shopping center. near the castles and home of the British Legoland!!

hitting it off with hitler. madame tussaud's wax museum

Harry Potter's famous platform 9 and 3/4. stood between platforms 9 and 10 at the King's Cross station

we missed the ride to stonehenge. just "pissing around" in salisbury

i'm a scots guards(wo)man!. touring old castles.edinburgh, scotland

moin, ate and our good friend stella (artois) at a pub in edinburgh, scotland.

wallowing around worthing, west sussex.

Can't Wait

Can't wait to see them :)