Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

Dave Matthews. Live. In New Jersey. I'll be there around that time. But the plane ticket is so darn expensive. I promised myself I wouldn't splurge so much on this trip and take time to just relax and play with nephews. But Dave Matthews?! Dave Matthews?!! Singing Crash Into Me, Jimi Thing, Satellite, Ants Marching and my favorite favorite song The Space Between? Thta's a once in a lifetime opportunity. And right now, it's dangling right in front of my face. Literally. Just like this ticket (thanks Bun for tempting me).

Maybe I should write Oprah. Or Ellen. Or Tyra.

I dunno. Any rich dollar-earning friends willing to sponsor my $400 plane ticket to New Jersey? I'll be your driver when you're here in Manila. How about peso-earning friends? I'll buy you souvenirs :)

Call Me Tita Maya

Finally!!! I am now an Aunt. A real Aunt!! Not just to my cousins' kids but to my very own sister's baby. Baby Armaan was born last June 20 at 9:25pm in Los Angeles, California. 2 days after his initial due date.I panicked when I learned that my new nephew was delivered via C-section because he had a big head. I thought there was something wrong cause if you've seen my sister you would know that she should be very capable of delivering her baby normally (with her child-bearing hips and all) hehehe But everything was normal and he is very healthy. The doctors just had to get him out of there before he grew any more hair haha. Check out some of his pics. They say he got my ducky lips.

"hullo world!!"

"just chillin' with my mommy"

"sleeping time, sleeping time na naman"

I'm so happy for my sister and brother-in-law and my parents who are now grandparents. This month has brought us so many good news despite all my problems with work I can't wait to see my new nephew. Even if he'll just lie there in his crib and look at the light and look at his pretty aunt and pee in his diapers and drink his milk and sleep ... I'll sing him songs and make him coo and smile. Cause that's what lil babies do. Coo and smile and sleep and poop and pee. Then I'll do all the tiring activities with Josh whom I miss and love and adore so much too. Can't wait for the time the three of us can go to the mall and ride go-carts and eat ice cream. I'll probably be thirty then and it will be a little off but who cares?! I will always be a kid at heart and I will never get tired of playing with our kids. I can't wait to have my own kid as well but I'm scared of the whole pregnancy and childbirth and the delicate still-kinda-pink-infant stage of the baby... Miss you Ate. Can't wait to see your new bundle of joy. Cheers!!!

with the brand new mama

A Poem About Men

i haven't posted in quite a while. no time to write. i have a bunch of unfinished works. not inspired to finish them either. but i received this in my inbox and i knew i just had to post it. i do not agree with everything this poem says but i think you'd know which ones i strongly agree with. for the ladies and the men. just some insights on how to play the game of love :)

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs. - some men are bitches hehe
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Never Go To Bed Angry

Never go to bed angry…especially when you’re angry with the one you love. The feelings bottled up will seem to fade the next day but in reality it will just hide in the secret pockets of your subconscious together with ignored feelings of hurt and resentment. When that pocket fills all the unspoken words from those nights of silent loathing will be spoken in one furious breath and may cause damage beyond repair. And before you know it, everything will be over and you’ll say outloud (to yourself and whoever will listen) that it wasn’t meant to be – irreconcilable differences. But in reality it could have been a meant to be. Meant to be’s are also meant-to-be-worked-out. You didn’t do your part in working things out. You chose not to reconcile your differences when you had the chance, when they were still small and petty. When they seemed insignificant. Now all the insignificant differences have turned into one giant significant difference. Now everything has been blown out of proportion and it’s just too damn late to turn things around. And it will be another what if? if only? question in your life.

So you scream. cry. weep. Now you express all the pain and anger that caused your loss in the first place. Ironically, for lost causes.

In relationships it’s key to relay. Relay your feelings: not just love, joy and passion but also anger, hurt, stress and sadness. Share in each tear, each laugh, each whine. Joy shared is multiplied, pain shared is divided. Express and receive anger, say and accept apologies, resolve and try to do better, understand and make yourself understood. Talk and talk is not just talk. It answers questions, clears misconceptions, relieves tension, reveals emotions, assures and secures. It bridges gaps, builds trust, and above all saves relationships. No more haunting what-ifs, what-might-have-beens, ones-who-got-away coulda-woulda-shouldas. Only happily-ever-afters.

Slightly weathered slightly worn happily ever after :)

So the next time your girlfriend tells you she’s angry and hurting and she can’t sleep because something is bothering her, listen and try to make her feel better. Try not to think of it as nagging. It’s her way of telling you that something’s wrong and it just can’t freaking wait til tomorrow. Otherwise tomorrow it will seem forgotten but one day, when you least expect it, it will blow up in your face. So turn off that NBA game, stop surfing ESPN and talk to your girlfriend. Sort it out. It will just take a few minutes but it can possibly save you a lifetime of regrets.

Inspired by: D Sound, Baz Luhrman, Ellen Degeneres, Max Lucado
Triggered by: my overactive brain cells and slight symptoms of paranoia
Fuelled by: rush of girly girl hormones, banoffee pie, and my compulsive need to say my two cents worth and express my opinions (so sue me, I'm a Comm Arts graduate).
Note: Written in general. With no person in mind whatsoever. These are just learnings from stories and experiences. Any similarity to an actual real life breathing person on this earth is purely coincidental.

What A Difference A Year Makes

I’m now 26. Yes, I’m approaching my late 20’s. Yes, I have lived a quarter of my life. And yes, I am aging.

But I don’t regret turning 26. In fact, when I look back at my 25th year on earth, I can say it has seen the worst and the best of me. I have gone through so much. I have learned so much. And I couldn’t have done it without the help of the people around me.

So here I am, all grown up at 26, reflecting yet again on all the many changes in my life. Looking back, I realize how different October 23, 2005 was from 2006…


Before. I was such a party girl. Post partum breakup, all I did was go to bars, drink and smoke and dance til dawn. I found happiness in friends, alcoholic drinks and psychedelic lights. Friday and Saturday nights, I’m at the Fort dining and wining and dancing to house or hiphop music. Occasional BOTs (Bottle or Two) at Good Earth or Gweilos helped me get through manic Mondays and well, manic anydays. I couldn’t stay at home. I couldn’t be left alone because I didn’t want silence or dead air and depressing thoughts. I filled my world with blaring music, loud laughter and sheer intoxication.


Now. I have toned down. It’s been 3 months since I last saw the inside of Cuisine, Embassy, Ponti, even Capones. Very rare BOTs on weekdays and no more partying til dawn. I rarely stay up late except when I’m working or catching a late night movie or a few rounds at Greenbelt or Alabang. I only see the break of dawn during poker nights with high school friends or house parties with my girlfriends. I have changed. I’m done with the excessive partying. Now I’m into quiet drinking with close friends than wild partying at clubs. It’s way way cheaper, safer and more intimate that way. It has now been my rule to avoid drinking and driving…but I wouldn’t mind an occasional Friday night at Piedra or Gaudi or Cuisine..with a designated driver of course ;)


Before. I only see my girlfriends for occasional Saturday or Sunday lunch/ coffee and sometimes for Friday dinners. Usually we only meet up to discuss a recent heartbreak or when someone’s going through a major fight or on the verge of a break-up. And when we do meet, we’re ALWAYS incomplete and we have an 11 PM Curfew (long story). It’s only during these meetings that we get the latest buzz. Other days, we go on with our lives with occasional yahoogroup emails (forwarded) and text messages (forwarded).

I only see my high school friends whenever someone gives birth, when someone’s kid gets baptized or celebrates a birthday or before someone leaves for the States. And we just eat and eat or sing videoke.


Now. My girlfriends and I are making up for all the lost time and early curfews. We see each other every week. We spend hours and hours chatting and discussing our life stories. And I mean hours. From dinner til dawn, we analyze one another’s situations and issues about our personal careers and lovelives. And we’re not satisfied with that, even at work, we YM each other individually or via conference. We SMS each other and forward gossip like we all have service phones from work. We celebrate birthdays together now, complete with themes and costumes. We cook food. Our friends with good culinary skills teach us mere undomesticated mortals. We know the ins and outs of each other’s lives. I have gone on a trip to Bangkok with one of my girlfriends, something we have always planned but never thought would actually happen. And we are closer than before. In a year, we have seen the following changes: (1) my break-up, new love and new life (2) Inja’s repeat relationship, breakup, and dating frenzy (3) Thiella’s shaky marriage, jealousy fits and imaginary dogs (4) Dana’s love and heartbreak over her guy best friend and the blossoming of her Havaianas love affair (5) Al Jean’s transition from girlfriend to life partner (6) Dior’s “medical affairs” -- her work work and nightlife imbalance and finally, the latest and most devastating and most complicated of them all (7) Eve’s love triangleS and Pinnochio syndrome (I’m a real boy!). From Desperate Housewives addiction to CSI and Grey’s Anatomy…from JD and Coke to Absolut Mandarin to All My Tea. From Paris the baby lobster to Paris the dead lobster, we’ve seen it all together. And next year this time, we may no longer be complete with 2 of us exploring options outside the country but at least we had this one full year where we shared everything together. Again, what a difference a year makes. Who would have thought we’d be reunited like this? Hopefully the bonds will never be severed, even when some of us are miles away. Like they say, boyfriends come and go, but girlfriends…like death and taxes, they’re among the only surefire things in life.

Same thing with people you have known during the best years of your life, my high school friends have been there for me during my troubled times. I remember my birthday last year, they celebrated with me at BSA and Joel got so drunk he was dirty dancing against the wall like he was auditioning at Chicos. I am no longer a frequent absentee with my high school friends. Now we get together more often. Usually for our common passion: POKER!! And alcohol and Will Ferell movies. These guys are the best. Really, they are. They will eat whatever you feed them and pretend its good, they will tell you your poker chips are barbaric yet use them still, they will drive from QC to Cavite or from Cavite to Makati and play poker til 4 AM then play tennis or spend time with their families a few hours after. Now we don’t need an occasion to get together, just a lil shuffle up and deal. Oh and Joel’s my officemate now, so we see each other at work plenty of times. And I’m really glad we’re colleagues. It’s always nice seeing him around. He’s like this mascot that cheers up everyone around him.

Before. Speaking of work, another change in my life is my new career. I used to work for Nestle where I spent 3 good life-changing professional years. Nestle was a good company. Good benefits, really nice office and the people were great but well I felt the need to move on and I did so…


Now... I’m with the All-American Wyeth. And the change has been scary but the people here have been so friendly, I feel like I’ve been here for ages. Wyeth is like one big happy family. And they’ve been sooo generous. It’s a less complicated, more kid-friendly place to work in. I’m absolutely loving it.

Before. I was devastated and I felt so worthless and alone (and I did nasty things only stalkers would do ;) My life was just so empty and sad.

Now. I have all the love in the world….I have found my missing piece and I know my life will never be empty or sad ever again.


The things that happen within a year. Makes you wonder, what will it be like the year after? I’ll be 27 then. Where will I be and what will I be like? Who will I be with and what will I be doing? I feel slightly anxious, slightly excited because I know it will be different then but I know, somehow, it will be for the better because I won’t be alone ;)

Love Burns Brighter then the Sun-sun-shine

The song I will sing to my future husband (after the Bon Jovi vows haha). Until then, I am posting this song for my friend Al Jean. She’s so in love and I’m really really happy for her. It hasn’t been a smooth ride for her and her man. I can still remember the “fight nights” when she’d drag me off for a couple of drinks somewhere and we’d talk til midnight about love and the pains of loving and all the sacrifices involved until I felt like sticking my finger up my throat so I can throw up from the drama and mushiness of it all. I remember the headaches from all the analyzing and scrutinizing of every single detail and event that has happened before or after the fight so we can get a fair unbiased perspective. I remember the tears welling up her eyelids (the tears that wouldn’t fall) and the senti songs and romantic movies that we’d quote for comparison and evaluation purposes. I remember the worry and the compassion I felt for her during these nights…because I knew what she was going through and how hard it was to go through it all. I remember how it made me wistful and sad (for her) and a bit happy (for myself) since I was done with such relationship drama-rama. I

I remember sitting across from her in Fusion bar sipping my frozen iced tea and listening to her intently as she told me about how she was on the verge of giving up despite everything, despite all these years, despite all the sacrifices. She said she wouldn’t ask him to take her back anymore. She was fed up. And she tried to justify her decision by citing a litany of all his faults and all the reasons why she should just let it end. I sat there staring at her while chewing thoughtfully on my already gnawed straw. I already told her all the reasons why she shouldn’t but she was still hurting and still unsure. Then I said the 5 words I’ve been wanting to stay to her the whole night “pare-pareho lang ang mga lalake.” She just stared at me, perhaps in disbelief, or perhaps trying to make herself believe.

I found it weird that she’d still ask me to go with her when in fact I wasn’t such good company then. I was heartbroken and jaded and bitter and not to be trusted completely with such delicate love matters. Maybe she thought I was such a good friend and I made a lot of sense or maybe because I was always available since I had no life. Hmmm… still I’m glad she asked me to hang out with her and listen to her problems despite my pessimism. It did me a lot of good. Made me realize also that sometimes love actually is… all you need. It can erase all the harsh words that were said, wipe away all the tears that were shed and overcome all the problems and trials in a relationship. It’s the first thing that keeps you holding on when you feel like letting go. It makes you give in even when you feel like giving up. You rant on and on about the reasons why you should just break it off but in the end you realize there is one reason why you shouldn’t. One single pro against an entire list of cons…and yet it outweighs everything.

I remember how she sat there the whole time, absentmindedly picking at the potato skins with her fork like a zombie. She had no appetite. In fact all she did was puff on her Marlboro menthols like an anxious druggie from rehab as she listened to me speak about the horror that is MAN. She looked hurt and angry and more convinced with every word that I said. And then her phone beeped. There was an SMS from her MAN saying that he will hold on. And everything changed. Erase. Wipe. Overcome. Her eyes lit up, her frown reversed and she ate her potatoes. And I found myself smiling and saying “sana lahat ng lalake katulad na lang niya.” 360 degrees.

Love - that stupid four letter word that turns even the most adamant heart into mush. Sometimes I pity people in love. Sometimes I envy them. Love is so complicated and dramatic and exhausting. But when you are in love, all the complications, drama and exhaustion are rewarded with all the fireworks, butterflies and sparks that just fly off in every direction. When you’re in love, you are shaken to the core by the madness of it all. Your world is turned upside down. And there’s this warmth inside you that just wouldn’t go away. You just glow. And the whole world glows. Just like sunshine. And this song captures it for me. It’s a song about how love feels and what the whole world looks like when you love or start loving again…(even after you have sworn on your unborn children’s grave that you’re through with it). Hmmm…what a feeling in my soul….

Brighter than Sunshine
I never understood before. I never knew what love was for. My heart was broke, my head was sore. What a feeling. Tied up in ancient history. I didn’t believe in destiny. I look up you're standing next to me. What a feeling. What a feeling in my soul. Love burns brighter than sunshine. Brighter than sunshine. Let the rain fall, i don't care. I'm yours and suddenly you're mine. Suddenly you're mine. and it's brighter than sunshine. I never saw it happening. I'd given up and given in. I just couldn't take the hurt again What a feeling. I didn't have the strength to fight suddenly you seemed so right. Me and you. What a feeling. What a feeling in my soul. Love burns brighter than sunshine. It's brighter than sunshine. Let the rain fall, I don't care. I'm yours and suddenly you're mine. Suddenly you're mine It's brighter than the sun. It's brighter than the sun. It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine. Love will remain a mystery. But give me your hand and you will see. Your heart is keeping time with me. What a feeling in my soul. Love burns brighter than sunshine. It's brighter than sunshine. Let the rain fall, I don't care. I'm yours and suddenly you're mine. Suddenly you're mine.

for AR, good luck in Bali :) for BE, let's go to Morocco ;) for KB, alohomora :P

A Toxic Fantastic April 4

Week 4: living hell week but capped off with a weekend in paradise Back to hell with fluorescent lighting. Cut-off week. Again the palpable pressure to hit sales. My boss asked me to bring in an extra 12 million peso sale 2 days before cut-off to make up for the team’s deficit. I stared at him like he was a madman thinking, “why don’t you just tell me to sell my soul to the devil?” I went off to negotiate for the 12 million peso sale and my nose practically bled for 3 hours as my buyers and I discussed variables, negotiables and non-negotiables. In the end they agreed and I happily drove back to the office ready to slap the 12 million peso purchase order on my boss’s table. I saw my other officemates who were all rejoicing at my news. They asked me how I did it and I said that I dirty danced my way to 12 million bucks. Laughter, laughter. Salespeople can be such ogres sometimes. But don’t get me wrong, I love my team. They’re like my big brothers. They keep me sane among all the chaos. Jill’s and Pier One. Semi-celebration at Jills with the bosses and drinks at Pier One with new friends. Fun fun fun. I was tired but I had fun. No more details. A baby birthday party and drinks at ATC. Joy’s baby Kyle celebrated his 1st birthday. Such an adorable little boy. A replica of his mom. I played with him and we made fun of the magician who was actually good but a little annoying and plotted ways to kidnap the cute little boy in the Tigger costume. Capped off the night with drinks at ATC with Dino, Vina, Aimee, Bry, Joel and Chev. We made fun of the food and the super bland Margherita. The boys talked dirty (tell me something new) and fantasized about Katharine McPhee and FHM cover girl Eula Valdez (did I spell that right?) and other hot mama celebs. I got tipsy (again, tell me something new) and followed my sisters and their significant others and we danced and drank til 4 am followed by a super early breakfast at our fave Kebab place. That was April for me. Packed. Crazy but fun. Very memorable. I hope May will be less tiring. I’d rather spend time chatting with my friends and my sisters and getting 8 hours of sleep this month. So far, my weekends are full with beach plans (yey!) but I know I’ll be so pressured again this month that I will find myself looking for g’s again. Whatever happened to my plan to stop partying til dawn? Down the drain. So far this week, I partied til dawn at Embassy and GB3 and worked from midnight to 6 am. Still balanced, in an insane, unhealthy way. But something I have long been waiting for to realize happened this month. It’s great news and if I have the guts and the time, I’ll write about it soon. All I can say is that I’m just sublimely happy right now. Despite the workload, life has been good to me and things are finally starting to turn around.

hey sister go sister. g nights with ats and dich